Unsolicited Advice For Incoming OU Freshmen (Or Anybody New To College)

Hard to believe that it's been 20 years since I moved into Adams Center on the University of Oklahoma campus.

It's also hard to believe that freshmen moving to Norman in 2005 will (probably) be seniors by next spring. My second tour of duty in Norman, Okla., USA, will have already spanned one graduating class.

Part of the reason I wanted to start The Norman Files in August is because the biological clock of Norman starts in August. If this city were a business, August to July would be its fiscal year. The campus blooms in late summer, early fall, peaks over winter and then rebuilds the next summer.

This is a college town.

And, among the signs of its rebirth are students moving into dorms. Over the weekend, I saw young women sitting in lawn chairs at the corners of Lindsey and various streets, pointing newcomers in the right direction, particularly sorority girls.

There were cars everywhere on campus.

Wal-Mart was full of hormones buying things.

It all takes me back to 1988, knowing not a damned thing. Heck, of my freshman year, I recall moving in. I recall hating my roommate. I recall hating one of my suitemates. I recall partying and getting several really bad cases of "beer goggles."

And, then I remember moving out.

It's weird. For whatever reason, I recall adults telling us that college would be the best time of our lives. They were good times for sure, but that's a myth.

I had more fun in my late 20s and not-quite-yet-to-be-over 30s. Solidified a handful of college friendships and made other long-lasting ones. Alas, it all got me to thinking that I could put together a few words of advice for incoming freshman, the class of 2012 at the University of Oklahoma.

I would honestly give this advice to my closest loved ones, so this really is no BS. Enjoy.

1. Figure out in one semester if you really belong in college. Most of you don't. Most of you belong at a vo-tech or spending a few years following the jam band of the day, or the Jonas Brothers.

Whatever in the hell you all listen to.

Many of you are not even qualified to attend OU, which is saying something because in the world of public universities, it gets no easier admissions-wise than OU (or OSU).

However, society is such that all kids get pressured into college, whether the institution is for them or not. It doesn't mean you're doomed to poverty if you don't go to college. Hell, it means you can more than likely avoid $60,000 in debt. Nevertheless, don't take four years to figure out college is not for you.

If you're flunking out, if you're not interested, if what you really want to do is work construction, then go do that. Pursue happiness.

2. Don't rush into a major. The vast majority of you will do work that has zero to do with your major. If you think you know what you want to do with your life at 18, then great. Pursue it. However, most of you have no idea, and the good news is there is no rush.

3. When you do pick a major, pick it because the field of study interests you. If you're hellbent on becoming an engineer, then by all means, declare a chemical engineering major the day you move in to Cate Center. But the rest of you should pick a major with a course of study that interests you.

Passion in anything you do is an absolute key to life, and that goes for college. If you're taking computer science because your parents are both programmers at big companies, and what you really want to study is dance -- then, brutha, you are wasting your time.

Life is too short, and college is too expensive.

4. Learn to think. This is the purpose of college. Nothing more, nothing less. The vast majority of people who graduate from college don't master this at least until their 30s, if they're lucky. To learn how to think, you need to have a grasp of reading, writing and arithmetic for the purpose of forming a sentence, forming an argument and counting money.

If you cannot do these three things, you will get nowhere in life.

Contrary to popular belief, you do not need college to learn how to think. It helps because college students have access to books and professors, years of writing and experience. However, we all have access to public libraries, yet so very few of us read.

My point is this: If you do stick around OU and can stay sober long enough to hear what your professors are beating into your heads, then there is the chance that it will all "click," turning you into an intelligent, reasoning adult. It's an a-ha moment of epiphany, and I didn't have mine until my senior year.

I recall Professor Hale's campaigns and elections class, an upper-level political science class I took during the campaign of 1992. I recall writing my final paper, getting an A and seeing Prof. Hale's comments about how well written the paper was, and comparing that to work I had turned in as a freshman.

Night and day. It was as if I had figured out the formula.

I had learned how to think. You'll get there if you're lucky.

5. Be willing to study hard. Life is too short and college is too worthwhile for you to study just hard enough to pass. Read the damned book, and enjoy it. You have no other care in the world but to go to lectures, read books and write papers.

You know, if I were to win the lottery this week, that might be exactly what I'd do. Go back to college.

However, I was an efficient studier in college, not a particularly hard-working one. I wish I would have studied less for the purpose of getting grades and more for the joy of learning. The truth is it matters not professionally whether you were a C student in college or an A student.

It really, really does not. Nobody looks at college transcripts once you get older than 26 or so.

6. Have fun. Just not too much fun. I partied in college, no doubt. However, I also got really lucky and didn't die, didn't kill anybody and never got so much as ticketed by an officer for anything alcohol-related.

I won't preach to you, but the $10 you spend on a cab is the smartest money you can possibly spend. Walk. Or don't drink. There is no rule that says you have to drink or do drugs in college. However, it's really important that you do nothing so bad in college that it ruins the rest of your life.

You'll have plenty of time to ruin your life. It can wait until graduation.

7. Incur as little debt as possible. Go low on the student loans, or don't borrow at all. Work you butt off if you have to, but the less debt you have out of college, the quicker you'll get to a position of wealth as an adult.

So many college kids go through this phase of buying nice things for their apartments or dorm rooms, and I'm here to tell you: Nothing you can afford in college is five-times as close as to what you'll be able to afford in 10 years.

So, go cheap. With everything. Everything you buy now is super temporary.

Hell, there is beauty in the type of poverty you'll be incurring. It's like being a missionary. You are here under the precept of delayed income (Econ. 101), knowing that unless you really mess up, this will be the poorest you'll ever be. Let it teach you to be frugal and to manage your assets well.

If nothing else, these stories of poverty will be ones you'll tell forever, and I assure you: These days of simplicity you'll cherish forever.

8. Skip the tattoos. You don't realize as an 18 year-old that your future lies as an accountant with one of the Big Four. However, that ink across your neck ensures you'll be working in retail, if you're lucky, until you're 50 and can afford the surgery to remove it.

Seriously. The whole tattooing fad is a product of the past couple of generations. You will wish, big time, that you didn't have your "art" in 10 years.

9. Don't sweat the small stuff. Hell, don't sweat much of anything. Although stress will weigh upon your weary eyes and the thought of another paper will make your head spin, the truth is that you should be under no pressure at all. College is a giant playground of trial and error.

You have the opportunity to learn from almost any experience. (Re-read No. 6 though. You can really mess up there.) I would say this though: If college is important to you at all, you'll want to avoid plagiarism, which is the theft of words and ideas on paper, turned in to professors.

It really is theft, just like lifting makeup from a Wal-Mart, Jenna. Or a coat in Arizona, Demarcus. Theft is stealing is theft, and while it's not the end of the world in most cases, it can get your ass kicked out of OU right fast.

Overall, if you want to view the glass as half empty instead of half full, let me put it this way: Life gets more stressful the older you get.

Mortgages. Kids. Responsibility. Disease. Aging parents. Death.

You've got it mega easy right now. So, if you %^&# up, learn from it and move on. Or shed tears in front of your professors. They like that.

10. Take photos. Snap shots of everything. Roomies. Friends. Girlfriends. People. Places. Things.

I can't recommend you post it all to your Facebook page, but you will want to preserve these memories.

Besides, you'll want to remember how skinny you once were.